If you've had the privilege of watching "Cool Hand Luke," then you will understand my comparison of SingleMotherness and the "50 Egg Challenge." Luke took on the challenge of eating 50 hardboiled eggs, in fact he prompted such a high number himself. Without a flinch, he said..."I can eat fifty egg." Did he realize at the moment the discomfort and exhaustion he would feel near the end? No, not really. He just wanted to show his jail mate's that he was capable of the unthinkable. Fearless. He had this adorable smirk of joy and relief on his face once he accomplished his goal. Yet he could not have reached that 50th egg if it were not for his supporters. Those that cheered him on and force fed him those last 10 or so eggs.
Although many of us venture into SingleMotherness without will. It is usually sprung on us by abandonment, infidelity, or an oops. In my case it was infidelity. I had to make a decision in that very moment when I found out my husband was having a long winded affair and leaving me with three kids to raise. I had to decide will I proclaim the 50 Egg Challenge or back down. I chose the challenge and for the most part I have struggled with exhaustion, discomfort, and bloating so to speak. I've had the need for friends, and family to force feed me the encouragement to continue and to fight for my kids to have a beautiful life regardless of our circumstances. I have had the feebleness when work, my schooling, the kids schooling, and bills have tired me out so much that all I want to do is curl up and cry and sometimes die. The discomfort in my stomach when I don't know how I'm going to buy groceries for a family of four, (my kids are huge! 11yr old daughter is 5'6, my 16yr old daughter is 5'11, and my 17 yr old Son is 6'2). The feeling of wanting to regurgitate all of life's nastiness with the stigma SingleMotherness or Divorce holds. The biast's people have without realizing. The rejection we feel as women when most men won't give us a second thought because we are considered as caring unwanted baggage.
But O'the bliss when we finish that 50th egg! We feel it when our kids complete a year of school, get an award, bring us a beautiful drawing, or give us a hug. When they look at us with appreciation for not giving up on them. For fighting the good fight in such a cruel world. Every day there are those moments of accomplishment if we open our eye's to see them. It can become easy just to see the pile of hardboiled eggs on the table with 10 more to gobble down when we feel like we've had enough. But if we look up and see all of our supporters cheering us on and helping us through it...we can make it to the end! I'm sure for some we don't have that many supporters. For some of us it is one or two people, maybe a handful, maybe a whole room. Regardless of how many are on the sidelines we have One who is greater, and that is God. There were so many night's I had no one...but God. I would go in my restroom and cry after I put the kids to bed and the house was dark. I would cry to the Lord to help me. Sometimes it was in the shower. I would break down after a hard day at work and bills waiting for me in the mailbox when I got home.
My kids and I have had to endure a lot, and because of our hardships and lack we have become closer as a family unit, and learned to rely on God for his provision. We have had those miracle moments when groceries where carefully placed on our porch by Anonymus. Or a check came in the mail. Some times it was a car donation or me qualifying for a City Housing Grant. And more recently my daughter wanted to go on her Church Youth Mission's trip where they camp out at the Church and serve the City in various ways. Even though it was just $50 I could not afford it, but she received a scholarship and was able to attend. Bella my youngest also received a little blessing at the same time. Her Auntie cleaned out her closet and gave her newly used clothes for school and school supplies. She was so grateful that she could not stop giving thanks to God when we got home. These are those moments that give us the ability to get through. Moments that give us hope to finish the next egg.
Remember that in the years you are sacrificing to give your children as much as you are capable even if it doesn't seem like much...they see it. They see your struggle and sacrifice. And are cheering you on. Even if sometimes it seems like they resent you or hate you...because there will be those raw moments too, when they are overwhelmed by life just as we are. But you will get through and the next season will come just as the last...and you will smile at accomplishing the Unthinkable!! The 50 Egg Challenge:))
Although many of us venture into SingleMotherness without will. It is usually sprung on us by abandonment, infidelity, or an oops. In my case it was infidelity. I had to make a decision in that very moment when I found out my husband was having a long winded affair and leaving me with three kids to raise. I had to decide will I proclaim the 50 Egg Challenge or back down. I chose the challenge and for the most part I have struggled with exhaustion, discomfort, and bloating so to speak. I've had the need for friends, and family to force feed me the encouragement to continue and to fight for my kids to have a beautiful life regardless of our circumstances. I have had the feebleness when work, my schooling, the kids schooling, and bills have tired me out so much that all I want to do is curl up and cry and sometimes die. The discomfort in my stomach when I don't know how I'm going to buy groceries for a family of four, (my kids are huge! 11yr old daughter is 5'6, my 16yr old daughter is 5'11, and my 17 yr old Son is 6'2). The feeling of wanting to regurgitate all of life's nastiness with the stigma SingleMotherness or Divorce holds. The biast's people have without realizing. The rejection we feel as women when most men won't give us a second thought because we are considered as caring unwanted baggage.
But O'the bliss when we finish that 50th egg! We feel it when our kids complete a year of school, get an award, bring us a beautiful drawing, or give us a hug. When they look at us with appreciation for not giving up on them. For fighting the good fight in such a cruel world. Every day there are those moments of accomplishment if we open our eye's to see them. It can become easy just to see the pile of hardboiled eggs on the table with 10 more to gobble down when we feel like we've had enough. But if we look up and see all of our supporters cheering us on and helping us through it...we can make it to the end! I'm sure for some we don't have that many supporters. For some of us it is one or two people, maybe a handful, maybe a whole room. Regardless of how many are on the sidelines we have One who is greater, and that is God. There were so many night's I had no one...but God. I would go in my restroom and cry after I put the kids to bed and the house was dark. I would cry to the Lord to help me. Sometimes it was in the shower. I would break down after a hard day at work and bills waiting for me in the mailbox when I got home.
My kids and I have had to endure a lot, and because of our hardships and lack we have become closer as a family unit, and learned to rely on God for his provision. We have had those miracle moments when groceries where carefully placed on our porch by Anonymus. Or a check came in the mail. Some times it was a car donation or me qualifying for a City Housing Grant. And more recently my daughter wanted to go on her Church Youth Mission's trip where they camp out at the Church and serve the City in various ways. Even though it was just $50 I could not afford it, but she received a scholarship and was able to attend. Bella my youngest also received a little blessing at the same time. Her Auntie cleaned out her closet and gave her newly used clothes for school and school supplies. She was so grateful that she could not stop giving thanks to God when we got home. These are those moments that give us the ability to get through. Moments that give us hope to finish the next egg.
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