"I forgive you" (part II to forgive the mistress)

As though saying I forgive you to my ex-husband was enough, tonight I was asked to forgive the woman who helped bring upon the division of my marriage -A.  I hadn't met her personally until three years after my marriage broke up, nor did I want to. Although everything in me wanted to fight that moment, I had been given the grace and forgiveness by God to graciously greet her with a hug in 2004. How that spell came over me back then, could only be explained by the love and grace of God. And now eight years later, after suppressed anger had formed in my heart against her, I have been given that same spirit of forgiveness, and opportunity to be freed from it. 

Garcia Trail, Glendora Ca.

My kids half-brother C stood over night this weekend and was picked up by A. We have remained on respectable speaking terms all these years, however, there has always been a hovering spirit of awkwardness and form of resentment on both parties. She for being the other woman and me for being the other woman, if you know what I mean. As I shared in my previous blog I have long since been over M but there has remained that lingering pain and resentment for the destruction of our family. As well as the sting for all that the kids and I have had to endure through our journey as a single family. I the Protagonist, against my two Antagonists...A & M. It has not been an easy road by no means. Both A & M have caused me much pain and difficulty with their erratic behavior and choices that have affected my family.

After A picked up her son she came back with a few groceries as a peace offering. I felt moved to go outside and thank her. She got out of her car and we instinctively hugged. But this was no ordinary hug, it was filled with sorrow and shame, and a strange sense of relief. As our eyes teared up and the sound of sniffling filled our ears, we both felt the tired struggle come to an end. The feelings of betrayal and resentment lifted from our hearts. We both knew our failures and the failures of M...the pain he had caused both of us and his current emotional state.

I felt A's guilt and desire to be forgiven. I was compelled to receive her peace offering. She apologized for all the pain she had caused me and the kids, and I followed with..."I forgive you." Those same words that slipped from my lips a week ago to M had now echoed in the night air, yet again.  A feeling of peace came over me in that moment, and I thanked God that I was able to say it again, and this time with more ease.

A and I hugged for what felt like five minutes as my older daughter looked on, (although she could not understand my ability to forgive the woman who has kicked her father out of his home leaving him nearly homeless as well as committing adultery with him. -I later explained to her that God wanted me to forgive them both).  The dark sky pressed in as the car's headlights reflected light off her face. A sense of irony filled the air as I was compelled to share with her my story. I felt her pain as the tears swelled in her eyes, and looked at her with humility, as a daughter of God. How could I continue to hold any type of anger towards a woman that has never understood the love and salvation of Christ as I have. How could I withhold the same forgiveness that has been given to me? All these years I could not fully let go of my bitterness until that moment, and now I know compassion.

 I explained to her the different type of man M has become from the man I once knew and married.  How it is his divided heart that keeps him in a constant spiritual struggle and lack of motivation. His struggle is a spiritual one and he must hit bottom before he comes up again. Once a man has known the love of God and walks away from it he is never the same, and A attested to M's behavior realizing the truth in what I shared.  -Luke 15:11-32 KJ

(Recently he moved back in with her as she allowed him a few more days to get his stuff together. He has now found a room to rent for the time being. But she explained that she is done and tired of him living off of her. I encouraged her to do what she needed to do, that he is a man and has never had to be on his own as he went from Moms, to me, then to her. Yet as single mother's we have had to learn how to provide for our kids and be on our own. It is now time for him to do the same and, "Go it alone."

I don't know what A will do with what I shared. My prayer is that she will know the love of God and all that he desires for her, and fully receive my forgiveness. To no longer live with the shame and guilt her sin has caused her.  As for me... I feel free!!